


It's too cold outside for angels to fly

by summerbreeze23



Category: K-pop, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Childhood Friends, M/M, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 15:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20585093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerbreeze23/pseuds/summerbreeze23
Summary: My feet are heavy, stuck in the infinite white, stuck in a past I can never go back to. Dense snow covers my shins, holds me in place, unable to move on.The intense cold that has haunted me for so many years now devours me completely, making my lungs weak and my heart that was once frozen, now in sharp little chunks of ice.I wonder what would have happened if you weren't there that day. What would have happened if you were with me.





	It's too cold outside for angels to fly

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [It's too cold outside for angels to fly](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/518384) by saturnbarz (me). 

> Hello! This is my first time posting here, english is not my first language so I really really hope you can enjoy it even with all the mistakes (ᵔᴥᵔ)
> 
> (sorry for being so short)

My feet are heavy, stuck in the infinite white, stuck in a past I can never go back to. Dense snow covers my shins, holds me in place, unable to move on.  
The intense cold that has haunted me for so many years now devours me completely, making my lungs weak and my heart that was once frozen, now in sharp little chunks of ice.

  
I wonder what would have happened if you weren't there that day. What would have happened if you were with me.

***

"Hannie! Are you there?" He screams from the deep of his lungs.

"Here!" responds the thin voice from the other side of the fence.

He runs across the large lawn, stumbling over his clumsy feet, still too small to perform such large tasks.

The vast green field seems to sing a cheerful song as it is lit by the warm rays of the sun. The sky is clear, no clouds nearby, only birds and a few dragonflies dance smiling in the air. The deep blue brings back memories of the last summer, of endless days spent on the edge of a pond.

His little eyes slowly adjust to the light, seeing the old wooden fence on the horizon and a cheerful little boy standing anxiously on the other side.

"Hannie, Hannie, you won't believe what happened!" he says when jumping towards the fence.

"I was going to tell you the same thing! Mine is much more interesting".

"Let me talk first. My mother gave me money cause I helped her yesterday, she promised me that the next time we go to town she will let me buy whatever I want!"

"Even that red toy car?"

"Yeees! And I'll bring it for you to see, and we'll play a lot, and then we'll buy more toys and then we'll have the largest collection in the whole world!"

"I can't wait! Imagine what the other boys will say? Everyone will want to play with us!"

He climbs the fence with some effort and jumps to the other side, stopping at his friend's side and holding his hand.

"What are we going to do today?"

"My mom said I was supposed to stay at home, she said we'll have guests. I got a box of new paints, we can play with them."

"That's a good idea, I'll show you my talent!"

The brown-haired boy walks beside his friend toward the house, tiptoeing, trying to look taller than the other.

"Mom!! Cheolie came!"

"What have I told you about leaving home without warning!" she tells the black-haired boy "Honey, I'm glad you came!" turns to his friend with a wide sweet smile "I made some cookies, they are on the table if you want, but beware that it is still hot."

Jeonghan walks toward his room and pulls a box of various colored inks and some brushes from under his bed. He starts browsing the shelves for drawing paper.

"How can you sleep with all these creepy dolls?"

"They're not scary, just different."

The dolls are lined up in the window and on the shelves. Most are broken porcelain dolls, only a few is still intact. Their dresses completely torn apart and with some paint stains on their faces.

"Your sister didn't want them anymore?"

"She can't take them along at school, so I'm taking care of them until she comes back."

"Is this hers too?"

A single lonely doll lies on his bed. Unlike the others it is made of cloth, several colored patches sewn together. The seams are all loose, revealing the fluffy cotton that fills it. Her little dress is all dirty, has messy wool hair and no features on her face.

Jeonghan comes over and takes the doll in his hand, looking at her fondly.

"This is mine. My dad bought her before I was born, he thought I was going to be a girl. I stayed with her anyway."

"Aren't you afraid of them finding out you play with dolls?"

"She's not any doll. I don't care what they say about me because I know I love her and she loves me. Too bad it's so demaged. Do you think she's ugly?"

"Even if she's ugly we can fix her! I can ask my mom to teach me how to sew, I'll make her brand new."

"Who said I was going to give her to you? She's mine."

He puts the doll back on the bed and covers her with the blanket, heads back to the shelves and grabs a handful of paper.

"But you don't trust me?"

"It's not a matter of trust. You are too clumsy Cheolie."

The two boys go into the living room and sit at the table. They begin to paint their drawings with brushes but give up halfway, deciding to use their fingers instead. Every so often they pick up a cookie from the bowl in the middle of the table, eventually eating ink together.

The black-haired boy stains his face with ink for always trying to pinch his hair behind his ear. He has a terrible fear of scissors, his mother hasn't figured out where he got it from, he hasn't been in the hairdresser for years, his hair now covering half his neck. Seungcheol, even though he doesn't have a long hair to bother him, is still the most dirty one, scratching his face with his wiped hands and sometimes spilling whole pots of ink onto his sheet.

"What did you want to say that was so important?"

"My mother received a letter."

"From those cops?"

"Yea. I heard her talking on the phone that my dad was missing. She said something like 'disappeared in combat'."

"Do you think the adults will keep fighting for a long time? I've never been in a fight with anyone that long."

"I really want it to be over soon, so my dad can come home, and so does your brother. Do you know how he is?"

"I don't know anything. I saw my mother cry last night, she doesn't know that I stay up late. I really wanted to see her happy again."

***

The wind gets stronger, freezing my face and hands, which are no longer pink at this point, but a cool shade of violet.

My teeth chatter violently, my body shakes. Even with so many clothes on I still feel the cold whisper touch my skin. I try to focus all my strength on my legs, fighting the heavy storm.

As I open my eyes I can see the pale hill in front of me. The same hill that was once bright green, a beautiful open field, where I spent the happiest days of my childhood. Memories so dear, cherished in a special place in my heart.

***

"How do you think it is?"

"What?"

"School."

They walk together happily holding hands, a habit they created after spending so many years together. The road little known to adults is their little secret, a shortcut to the pond on Seungcheol's parents' property.

The trees surrounding the road creating a covered tunnel are all in bloom by the peak of the season. The small peach blossoms are blown away by the wind, coloring the road.

"My sister said it's very difficult."

"It must be hard to be away from home for so long."

"And you can learn things like reading and writing. It seems very difficult."

"You don't know how to read or write yet?"

"I don't, and neither do you."

"I can read Peter Pan."

"You are a liar Seungcheol"

The two walk in silence for a few minutes until Jeonghan returns to the subject again.

"Do you think the other kids are nice?"

"I think so, don't you agree?"

"I don't know ... But what if they are like those older boys who ride bicycles?"

"If they are then I will protect you."

"You are too short for that."

"But I'll grow taller, even bigger than you, so none of them will have the courage to do anything."

Jeonghan approaches Seungcheol, holds his friend's hand tighter.

"Then I'll keep you very close to me, so nothing bad will happen to us."

***

The storm is getting stronger and stronger, making it almost impossible to walk.

Being out of the house with such weather is unimaginable, deciding to cross a whole field like this can be considered crazy.

You can already expect this kind of thing from me, everyone thinks I'm a little crazy since that happened. I don't blame them, I'm not in my best state of mind, I haven't been in a long time. Running in circles, trying to go back in time, looking forward to seeing you again.

***

"Do you promise me to take good care of her?"

"I already said yes! She'll be back brand new."

"I'm trusting you."

"I know that, and I won't disappoint you."

He holds the rag doll in his hands, a little bagpack on his back and already wearing his uniform, a bit too wide for his small frame.

Behind him is his mother in the car clogged with suitcases and books, honking frantically.

"You're coming back, aren't you?"

"For sure. In the next vacation I'll be here to play with you."

"I'll wait for you in our secret place, and I'll buy more beautiful paints for us to use."

The two friends hug tightly, not wanting to let go. They spent their lives together, never imagining that the day would come when they would have to part.

"When you come back do you teach me how to read and write?"

"Of course! I will come back smarter and taller, you will see. And when you go to school you will come back smarter and taller too and then no one else will bother us."

"Seungcheol, let's go! We will miss the train!"

The little boy runs to his car and sits in the window excitedly, waving to his friend as the car moves away.

***

I shouldn't have gone. I should've stayed. Protected you.

It hurts me to remember these simple times, to know that they will never come back. They are stained blue, not the blue of the sunny sky, but the blue of a deep, lonely puddle on a dark, empty street of a big city. It's how I feel, like it rains every day, or in this case, it snows.

***

"You did that?"

"Yes, I did everything on my own!"

"Did you even sew?"

"Well, my teacher helped. But I fixed the hair and drew the face. Look how beautiful her smile is!"

A big crash can be heard from a distance, making the whole train tremble and consequently stop.

“_Ladies and gentlemen, we will be stationary indefinitely because of the risk of explosions on the way. Our destination is being bombarded by fighter jets. We urge everyone to stay on the train and try to keep calm for their safety._ ”

***

"Mom, I'm scared."

The mother holds the station phone in her ears, eagerly waiting for someone to answer, cold tears streaming from her eyes and her small son clinging to her dress, whimpering in fear.

"It's all right sweetheart" she runs her trembling hands through the hair of the boy "It will be all right, soon they will answer and we will be able to go home."

***

"Mrs. Please be calm, your house has not been hit."

"Just look at that! How you want me to be calm! They are our neighbors, our longtime friends!!"

"We haven't found anything yet. We're working tirelessly looking for them."

***

"He's gone. I'm sorry."

***

My mother's words still echo in my mind, coming back to haunt me every time winter returns.

I still clearly remember that scene. Flames devouring the entire house, remaining strong and lethal even in the heavy snowstorm.

It was supposed to be the happiest winter break, after months of boarding school finally coming home to celebrate Christmas and New Year with the one I loved the most. It was supposed to.

I stand on my knees beside the remnants of what had once been the fence we used to meet, the division of my parents' land and your's. Now I only find ashes, some bits of wood still present, completely black against the white of snow.

I remember my reaction, to run away to our secret place. I searched for you for hours, my parents went crazy when I disappeared. I screamed your name but you never answered.

I remember the summer that followed, returning to the same place and looking for you tirelessly. I remember waiting for you to play on the fence, and to think I would do that so many times in the years to come.

Each holiday, commemorative date, winter and summer vacation, spring or fall, always returning to the same place, hoping to find you hidden among the peach branches.

Those were hard years of a continuous snowstorm. The lonely life in boarding school, my mental health deteriorating more and more, the bullying, the low grades, and the constant cold of winter.

It took time for me to realize, to finaly come to the conclusion that it would never happen, that I would never see you again. The truth hurts, it's so hard to swallow, I'm still trying, I feel like I'll never be able to live well with it, but I'm trying.

And you may be wondering, if you managed to move on then why did you return to this place? Well, I still had a promise to keep.

"Hannie!" I scream from the bottom of my lungs. "Are you there?"

I wait silently one last time, the longing to hear your voice still present.

I'm received with silence. Even the wind no longer produces its song, silently ceasing to watch the outcome of our story.

Even already expecting it, a little pinch of pain still invades my chest.

I put my hands in my coat's pocket and pull out my promise from there. It's old, not as pretty as my innocent child mind imagined, but I fixed it, as I promised you, and now I'm giving back what belongs to you. I made sure to keep the biggest smile on it's face, maybe it will make you happy, make you forget all those years you were separated from your friend.

I place the rag doll beside the most intact piece of wood and watch it for long minutes.

It must feel strange for her. It would've been nicer if it had a warm bed to put it in.

I'm cold, I think it's better to go back indoors.

It's time to say goodbye.

It's time to let you go.


End file.
